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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911351">Here For You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/5mallestviolin/pseuds/5mallestviolin'>5mallestviolin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>For You [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mutual Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:00:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,371</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26911351</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/5mallestviolin/pseuds/5mallestviolin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A guy and girl walk into a bar...nine years later, can these two move past bygones and actually be friends again? This is Logan and Veronica though and life is always throwing them curve balls. Will LoVe finally land for them all these years later? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Title and Chapters from Neil Young's 'Here For You'.</p>
<p>Planning on posting twice weekly.  This is all written.</p>
<p>Many thanks to Aurora2020 who has beta'd so well and to Ayyohh who also beta'd the first few chapters.  This wouldn't be here without you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Carrie Bishop/Logan Echolls, Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>For You [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>127</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. When your summer days come tumbling down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Prologue</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shhhh, shhhhh, shhhhhh,” Veronica tried desperately to calm the squalling baby in her arms.  She was tired, wired and completely out of her depth.  If she was religious, she’d be praying right about now.  <em>How on earth </em><em>did I end up here?</em> she thought to herself, in Logan Echolls’ house, holding Logan Echolls’ daughter.  She wasn’t the baby’s mother.  That honor fell to Carrie Bishop of all people, but Carrie was missing, Logan was deployed on a ship somewhere in the world and she was the one holding the baby.</p>
<p>The call from Social Services had come the previous day after the baby had been found in Carrie’s car abandoned in a parking lot near the beach.  The baby had been taken to Neptune Memorial Hospital and found to be slightly dehydrated but otherwise fine.  They suspected she hadn’t been there long before a concerned beachgoer had heard the baby crying in the car alone and called the police.  She still wasn’t quite sure how she had come to be a temporary guardian, but as neither Logan nor Carrie had living parents and Logan didn’t want Trina to look after his child, he had named Veronica as the baby’s guardian, should it be required and she had agreed.  Carrie had given the nanny a few days off and left no instructions at all. </p>
<p>She could do this.  Logan was on his way back, thank god, as a child-emergency warranted a return stateside, but, it would take time, and she was left, quite literally, holding the baby.</p>
<p><em>Must stop thinking of her as ‘The Baby’</em> thought Veronica.  Her name was Scarlett, Scarlett Echolls, and she was nine months old.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <span class="u">2 years earlier</span>
</p>
<p>Veronica was feeling pretty good.  She had finished at law school and landed a job at a law firm in San Diego after deciding to return to California.  Not in Neptune, because that was a little too close to the Hellmouth that was her childhood home, but San Diego was good, close enough that she could regularly visit her dad and friends who were still in Neptune.  Now she was studying for the California Bar, making some new friends, enjoying the southern California life, seeing her dad every other weekend, and catching up with Wallace and Mac.  She even had a new boyfriend, Chris, a junior exec at a marketing firm in the city and was generally getting on with her life.</p>
<p>If she happened to occasionally think about Logan, well, that was natural enough.  She was only human, after all.  She heard he had joined the Navy, of all things, and also that he was dating Carrie Bishop.  Carrie lived in LA; an up-and-coming pop singer and Logan’s status of reformed-celebrity-offspring-come-modern-American-hero made sure they hit the tabloids regularly.</p>
<p>So when they broke up it was widely and spectacularly reported.  Lots of ‘friends of Carrie’s’ type of quotes but complete silence from Logan.  And that was very like him, she thought.</p>
<p>***</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Then you can come back and be with me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">18 months earlier</span>
</p><p> </p><p>Veronica pushed past a couple of bar-hoggers to order drinks at Down Below, a bar down by the beach in Neptune where she was meeting up with Mac and Wallace.  The place was bustling and she had just ordered a round of beers when she spotted him, ordering drinks at the other end of the bar.  He spotted her at the same time, and she waved at him in friendly recognition but when the bartender passed her the bottles, she headed back to her friends.</p><p>“Who were you waving at?” asked Mac.</p><p>“Ah, I saw Logan at the bar,” replied Veronica.</p><p>“I heard he was back in town,” said Wallace.  “It’s all over the tabloids that he broke up with Carrie Bishop.”  He looked speculatively at Veronica, “You going to …”</p><p>“Of course not.  I wouldn’t cheat on Chris and besides, Logan’s the past,” said Veronica quickly.</p><p>“I was going to say ‘head over and say hello’,” said Wallace.  “But good to know you’re not planning on cheating on Chris as well.”</p><p>Veronica flushed, “Sorry, I’m just a little  defensive about Logan.”</p><p>“It’s all good V, I was just yanking your chain,” replied Wallace.</p><p>Veronica couldn’t stop herself from looking over at Logan. He was at a table with two guys all with similar short haircuts so she assumed they were Navy colleagues.  She couldn’t help but notice what looked like an endless parade of girls stopping to talk to them.</p><p>Wallace got up to head to the bathroom before getting a third round of drinks.</p><p>Once he had gone, Mac nudged Veronica, saying, “Logan looks good.  You should go say hi.”</p><p>“Oh no, I can’t,” she replied.</p><p>“He keeps looking over here at you, you know,” said Mac.</p><p>“He does not,” replied Veronica.</p><p>“He does.  But he looks away when you look at him,” said Mac with a smirk and Veronica immediately looked away.  “But they’re getting up to leave now, so...”</p><p>“It’s probably better this way,” said Veronica, trying to sound relieved, but really being disappointed.</p><p>Wallace returned about ten minutes later with beers for them all and Veronica said, “It’s about time.  A girl could die of thirst waiting for you to come back.”</p><p>“Ah, I ran into Logan.  His friends are returning to base tonight, but he is staying over. Something about having to talk to a realtor about his parent’s old place.  I kind of asked him to join us.  He was alone and it just kind of slipped out. I hope it’s ok, V?” he replied a little nervously.</p><p>Veronica was surprised, but recovered quickly, “It’s fine.  It’s been a long time, I’m sure we can be friends again now.”</p><p>By the time Logan had got himself another beer and joined them, Veronica was feeling composed. She had a boyfriend back in San Diego, a good job, a nice apartment and had landed on her feet after all the turmoil of high school and Hearst. She could handle this, she thought to herself.  And after a slightly awkward hug for both her and Mac, it had turned out to be fun after all.  Although they made a lot of Top Gun jokes at his expense, she was secretly impressed by the new and improved Lieutenant Logan Echolls, Naval Aviator.</p><p>At the end of the evening as they headed outside, he hung back to catch her before she left.  “It was really great seeing you again, Veronica.  I’m glad things are going well for you.”</p><p>“You too,” she replied.  “The Navy suits you, and I never expected I would be saying that.  Look, I’m sorry, for leaving so abruptly all those years ago.”</p><p>“Bygones, Veronica,” he replied.  “Are you free tomorrow?  I’d love to meet you for coffee or lunch.”</p><p>“I’ve promised to have lunch with my dad,” she said.  “But I could meet you for coffee before I drive back to San Diego?”</p><p>“That would be great,” said Logan, before giving her another hug, less awkwardly the second time around.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Sunday afternoon rolled around and after saying goodbye to her dad, she left to go catch up with Logan before she headed back to San Diego.  He had offered to pick up coffee and meet her at the beach.</p><p>He was leaning against a dark blue convertible when she arrived.  He looked good, she had to admit, really good.  Shoulders broader than she had remembered, a lot more defined muscle, a man’s body, but still that sexy, lean build that had transfixed her as a teenager.  She wasn’t too proud to admit that having a hot boyfriend had been fun.  <em>Remember Veronica</em>, she thought, <em>you have a boyfriend, now, and it’s not Logan.</em></p><p>“Caramel or hazelnut?” he asked, offering one of each to her.</p><p>“Caramel, thanks,” she replied and took the proffered cup. </p><p>Logan hopped up onto the hood of her car to sit next to her.  “Do you get back to Neptune very often?”</p><p>“Small talk, ok,” said Veronica.</p><p>“You really want to start heavier?” asked Logan.</p><p>She thought, <em>yes, I want to know everything about you</em>, but replied, “You’re right, best not.  Ah, I come down once or twice a month.  Catch up with my dad and Wallace and Mac.  Dad likes to come to San Diego to see the Padres during the season.  It’s been better for me to not live here, but I’m close enough that it’s not much of an effort to visit. What about you?”</p><p>“Now and then.  Carrie was living in LA so I have a small apartment there but would come down to surf with Dick most weeks when I was on leave when I first got back.  I’m thinking of giving up the apartment as I’m back on base a lot as we work towards readiness and I’ve been crashing with a friend near the base.  I’m thinking of getting something close to base short-term, and once I know where I’ll be stationed, when I get back I’ll find something new then.”</p><p>“Are you based out of North Island?” asked Veronica.</p><p>“Yeah, till we deploy, although we get a few weeks off before we leave,” replied Logan.</p><p>“What’s it like, being deployed?” said Veronica, but thinking, <em>how could I not know he is based in San Diego</em>.</p><p>“Being stuck on a tin can for six months, it should be miserable and there are times when, you know, it’s pretty bad,” said Logan.  “But other days, it’s okay.  And the flying, that’s the best of all.  That’s the rush that makes everything else bearable.  My first couple of deployments I was single.  It’s a lot harder on the guys with families at home.  The last time, well, Carrie was gone a lot with recording and touring so we wouldn’t have seen a lot of each other anyway.  I’ll be single for this one again too.”</p><p>“I heard that you and Carrie had split up.  I’m sorry,” said Veronica, so sincerely that even she thought she meant it.</p><p>“I think the whole world heard it,” he replied. “The downside of dating someone famous, or at least trying to be famous is there is always a hanger-on ready to spill to the tabloids and there are always tabloids hungry for the news.  You’d think I would know better.”</p><p>“Sometimes we don’t get to choose who we love,” she said, realizing afterwards how sappy that sounded.</p><p>“And you used to call me the romantic,” he quipped.  As she shook her head and rolled her eyes, he carried on, “We weren’t in love, but I cared about her.  We had a good first year, but the cracks have been there a while and they have been widening.  I hope she finds some happiness.”  He changed the subject, “What about you, a lawyer, Wallace said last night.”  He knew full well she was a lawyer, having clung to any scraps of information about her that he heard.</p><p>“Yeah, Columbia after Stanford.  I’ve just taken the California Bar and I’m working at a good firm.  Would like to get into the State’s Attorneys’ office here, but haven’t got that far yet,” she answered.</p><p>“Sounds like you landed on your feet, Veronica,” said Logan.</p><p>“I think we both did,” she answered.  “Look, I’m sorry for leaving so abruptly before, back then.”</p><p>“Veronica, it’s okay.   We were hurting each other and we didn’t know how to stop.  It’s been nine years.  Bygones,” he said.  “Look, I’ll be in San Diego a fair bit in the next few months.  Maybe we can catch up for a drink?”</p><p>“I would like that,” she replied.  “Ah, I have a boyfriend, Chris, in San Diego.”</p><p>“So Mac and Wallace mentioned last night, several times,” he answered with a smirk.  “I’m not looking for a hookup with you Veronica.  I would just like to be friends again.”</p><p>“So would I,” she replied.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>A week later he messaged, ‘<strong>Hey, are you going to the reunion?</strong>’</p><p>‘<strong>Not if my life depended on it</strong>’, she replied almost instantaneously.</p><p>Logan tried cajoling her, ‘<strong>Come on, it could be fun.  You’re a successful lawyer, you can bring the boyfriend</strong>’.</p><p>‘<strong>No</strong>’, she replied.</p><p>‘<strong>You don’t want to show off?</strong>’ he asked.</p><p>Veronica replied in exasperation, ‘<strong>Which part of <em>no</em> don’t you get?  High school was bad enough the first time, I’m not going back.</strong>’</p><p>‘<strong>Well I’m going</strong>’, he messaged.</p><p>‘<strong>Good for you.</strong>’  She waited a moment but curiosity got the better of her and she asked, ‘<strong>Why?</strong>’</p><p>She can almost see the smirk in his reply, ‘<strong>I’m a Naval Aviator, baby.  I can’t wait to show off</strong>.’</p><p>‘<strong>Show pony</strong>’ she retorted quickly.</p><p>‘<strong>You know me so well</strong>’, he replied, thinking he might be able to wear her down.</p><p>‘<strong>I’m still not going</strong>’, she messaged again.</p><p>‘<strong>Oh well, your loss</strong>’, he replied, feigning nonchalance, but disappointed.</p><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>He went to the reunion.</p><p>She didn’t.</p><p>***</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. When the winter comes to your new home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A week after the reunion, his texts slowed down and became less flirty.  Another week after that, she and Chris were shopping for food to actually cook dinner for once when a screaming headline on a supermarket tabloid told her why. Carrie had gone to the reunion and Logan and Carrie had reconciled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The next morning, his name flashed up on her cell phone and she answered, “Hi Logan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His voice in her ear was quiet and a bit apologetic, “Hey Veronica.  Look, I wanted to talk to you before it became public, but I think I missed the boat.  Carrie and I, we are giving it another go.  She really wants to and after Susan Knight died she needs me, so…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A wash of disappointment flooded through her and she felt suddenly embarrassed.  He wasn’t her boyfriend, he wasn’t cheating, they were just friends.  He didn’t have to have her approval of who he dated. “That’s okay, Logan.  I can understand why you wanted to keep it quiet.  Although you could have told me, I would have kept your secret.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know.  That’s not why I didn’t say anything,” he said, “I kind of just wanted to see if it was going to work first.  It’s only been a couple of weeks, but it’s out there now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah.  National Enquirer, no less,” she said, “although you didn’t make the cover this time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logan huffed out heartily, “Thank god.  Look, this won’t change anything, I mean with our friendship.  You have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend and we are...”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Friends,” she filled in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he said, and then added, “good friends.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For the next few weeks, it felt to Veronica as if all she saw was Logan and Carrie.  Dancing at a club, sunbathing at the beach, they were gracing every tabloid, on the entertainment news, everywhere.  If that was because she was now looking for it where she never had before, well, that was something she wasn’t going to think about too closely.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logan was still staying in touch, and they had started catching up for a mid-week drink when he was on base. He didn’t talk about Carrie and she didn’t talk about Chris, until one night just before they were about to leave when he had told her, “I think she’s using again, Carrie, that is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Veronica was floored, but managed, “Why do you think that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She’s getting secretive again, moody.  Although she is always moody, but the secretive is usually when she’s using,” he replied.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What will you do?” asked Veronica.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe try to get her to go back to therapy.  She was better then, before,” said Logan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will she go?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.  I hope so,” said Logan.  He sounded so dejected that her heart was almost breaking.  “If she won’t, I don’t think this will work.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Logan,” she said, sincere about his pain if not the person causing it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So am I, Veronica.  So am I,” he answered.  He looked at his watch and swore under his breath before saying, “I’ve got to go.  Pete’s got an early start tomorrow and won’t appreciate me turning up late.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Veronica knew Pete was one of his squadron who he stayed with during the week in San Diego.  Impulsively, she blurted out, “Stay with me.”  Realizing how that might sound, she added, “There’s a pullout in the office, and you won’t have to bother Pete if he’s got an early call.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logan looked surprised, then considered, “Are you sure?  I don’t want to put you out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Logan, it’s no problem.  I actually have a two bedroom apartment to myself for the first time in my life, and dad bought me the pullout coach for the office because he wanted something comfy to sleep on after Padres games.  He hasn’t stayed yet, but Mac and Wallace have, so…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That would be great, if you’re sure,” he answered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They headed back to her place together, Logan retrieving his bag from his car on the way.  Inside her apartment, she got linens which he took from her saying, “I’ll make the bed.”  When she looked at him in askance, he replied, “Navy training.  I’ve made many beds, sometimes many times a day,” and grinned at her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I bet there are some stories behind that,” she started, answering his smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He quickly replied, “I’ll never tell.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll get it out of you one day, Echolls,” she quipped back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the morning, Veronica stumbled out of bed towards the bathroom and nearly ran into Logan exiting, wearing nothing but a towel tied around his waist.  Her hand landed flat on his well-muscled, smooth chest.  Still drowsy, she checked out the sight of his fit, lightly tanned body, and experienced a sharp surge of lust and longing.  As her eyes were drawn down to the cut in of his abdominals visible above the towel, his amused voice penetrated her brain, “Eyes up here, Mars.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mortified, she looked up to his smirking face and pulled her hand back as if burned.  “Sorry,” she mumbled. “It’s too early,” and headed quickly for the bathroom herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mentally kicking himself for teasing her like that, he turned to watch her walk past and with sincere appreciation for the curve of her derriere he experienced his own surge of lust when he realized that under that short little sleep tee, she wore nothing at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When she emerged, dressed ready for work a half hour later, the aroma of fresh coffee permeated the air and fresh croissants were on the table.  Logan, already dressed in his service uniform, looked up to see her and smiled, before saying, “Sorry about that before.  I was a bit out of line.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Accepting the coffee and picking an almond croissant, she said, “As was I.”  At that moment she realized she had a choice between brazen it out or retreat, and choosing brazen, said, “I must admit, the Navy has done wonders for you.  Is it a requirement for Naval Aviators to look good for shirtless volleyball games?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He groaned, “I deserve that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed and followed up in that flirty southern accent he hadn’t heard her use since college, or maybe high school, “I do declare, Lieutenant Echolls, you do quite take my breath away.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He groaned again, “Enough, stop, I beg you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She laughed again, glad the tension had eased and said, “Thanks for breakfast.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My pleasure, Veronica.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A month later, Logan and Carrie had split up again.  This time, she heard the news straight from him. He had spent the last few weeks trying to get her to go back to therapy, to rehab, to do something to help herself and every overture was thrown back in his face.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re maybe a week off achieving readiness and my guess is we will deploy in about three or four weeks,” he stated.  “I just couldn’t do it.  Couldn’t go away being with her like this and do my job.  I didn’t want to do this to her, but…” he stopped speaking, at a loss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t help her if she doesn’t want to be helped,” Veronica finished.  “You can’t be responsible for her choices, Logan.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” said Logan tiredly.  “I just hope maybe this will finally get her to do something. Take responsibility for herself. ”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Logan deployed just under a month later.  After he received his formal orders and started his pre-deployment leave, he ended his lease on his apartment in LA and moved his furniture into storage. He took a week to go surfing in Neptune and spent his last few days before shipping out in a San Diego hotel.  Veronica had said he could stay with her, but he declined explaining that he was about to spend six months on a boat in cramped quarters and he was going to revel in a large, soft bed and endless hot water for showers during his last week stateside.  It was true, he convinced himself, and had nothing to do with the thought of a week in close confines with Veronica being more temptation than he wanted to deal with. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. And snowflakes are falling down</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Veronica couldn’t help but be disappointed when she saw the heading of Logan’s latest email.  <em>‘Shit’s hitting the fan, have to cancel Skype’</em>.  They had been emailing regularly and Skype-ing most weeks in the two months since his deployment.  It was all very platonic as they shared anecdotes about their work and talked about books and movies and the G-rated memories of the past.  It didn’t change the warm feeling she got knowing that the person he wanted to talk with was her.  The following day he emailed again, saying <em>‘I need to talk.  Can you </em><em>Skype tonight, your time at 11?  Sorry about the time but best I can do.’</em></p><p>She emailed back, <em>‘Sure, anytime you need me’</em>, and tried very hard not to obsess over why he needed to talk so urgently.</p><p>She was ready with her laptop warmed up and charged up with ten minutes to spare.  That she had brushed off her boyfriend with vague mentions of work was something she really wasn’t going to think about.  Logan was her friend, after all, and he <em>needed</em> her.</p><p>The chime of the call coming in, although expected, jarred her out of her reverie and she answered it eagerly.  Logan’s face appeared on the screen, a little pixelated but pretty good for the shipboard connection.  What shocked her was his face.  He looked exhausted, stressed and worried and she burst out with, “Logan, what’s wrong?”</p><p>He spoke hesitantly, “Carrie is pregnant.”</p><p>Her stomach dropped and her heart stuttered.  “When did you find out?”</p><p>Exhaustion painted his every word as he replied, “Yesterday morning.  She emailed me a picture of her ultrasound.  I spoke to her last night.  She’s about 16 weeks along.  Fuck!”</p><p>“It’s yours?” Veronica asked tentatively.</p><p>“The timing is right.  It would have been just before we split up.  She may have using, but she didn’t cheat.”</p><p>“What are you going to do?  What does she want?” asked Veronica.</p><p>“I don’t really have too many choices here, Vee.  She says she wants to keep it, so I guess I’m going to be a father,” he said wearily.  “Right now I’m mostly worried that she will start using again, and out here I can’t do anything about that.  Fuck!”</p><p>“Are any of her friends, you know, sensible enough to help her?”</p><p>“Apart from the Hollywood hangers on, there’s her agent and publicist who at least wouldn’t want the publicity nightmare of Bonnie deVille, pregnant and using,” said Logan bitterly.  “Other than that, there’s her Neptune crowd, Luke, Gia, Dick.”</p><p>“As in Casablancas?” asked Veronica.</p><p>“Yeah.  None of them are exactly examples of sobriety or moderation, and definitely no use as a pinch hitter,” said Logan.  “They might not be giving her the drugs if they know she is pregnant, but none of them are likely to try to stop her.”</p><p>Veronica resolutely shoved her shock aside and tried to think of something that would help Logan.  That was the important thing, helping her friend.  Her first idea was to have a PI keep track of Carrie, but she quickly realized that while that might tell them if she was using, it wasn’t going to stop it.  Then she recalled an article she had read years ago for her college psychology major about addiction recovery and said, “maybe you could suggest a sobriety companion?”</p><p>“What’s that?” asked Logan.</p><p>“I read about it when I was studying psych at college,” said Veronica.  “It’s basically someone who lives with you full-time or at least checks up on you every day to help keep you sober.  Making sure there’s nothing in your home.  They are a really good idea for newly recovering addicts in situations where they encounter a lot of triggers in normal life.  Even if Carrie isn’t as keen, her agent might push the idea.”</p><p>“You know, that might work.  At least it’s worth a chance.  Can you send me the article?”</p><p>“Sure, I’ll find it,” Veronica replied.</p><p>“Hell Veronica, my time is up.  I had to promise the earth to get this slot,” said Logan.  “I think my Skype time might be tied up for a while dealing with this, but I’ll let you know if I can get the chance to talk to you.  Otherwise I’ll email.  And thanks for tonight, for just being my friend.  I didn’t know who else to turn to.”</p><p>“It’ll be okay, Logan,” she said.  “Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”  She wanted to say more but the screen went black.</p><p>She sat there in front of her computer.  Tears were welling up as she realized she was jealous of Carrie.  Jealous because not only was Carrie pregnant with Logan’s child, but that Carrie would be tied to him now forever.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Two weeks before Logan was due to return, Chris broke up with Veronica over a trip to Las Vegas. “What do you mean, you can’t come?  Everyone is going.  It’s all organized.”</p><p>“I’m sorry Chris. I have to work.  You didn’t say we would be leaving Thursday morning,” she replied.</p><p>“I said we’d have to leave early,” Chris complained.</p><p>“And I said I’d be free after work,” she paused for emphasis, “on Friday.  I’m working ten hour days, Chris.  I have to make my mark here if I want to get a job in the State Attorney’s office.”</p><p>“I went to that function of yours at the Law Society.  It was boring as fuck, but you needed it for networking.  It’s ok for me to be useful to you, but you won’t come to my things,” he spat out, clearly itching for a fight. </p><p>“That’s not a fair comparison,” she replied, trying to stay calm.  “That was <em>one</em> night in the whole year, Chris.  Four hours, on a weekend and I have been to your work functions.  But this is a four day trip you’re talking about, to go away with your friends, for which I’d have to take vacation time. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have gone, but you didn’t actually tell me it was a four day trip and I can’t just up and go.”</p><p>“Why do you even want a job in the State Attorney’s office?  It’s not like they will pay you any better.  You should get a job at one of the big corporate firms.  You’ve got a degree from Columbia, they would love you,” he said. “You’d get paid the big bucks, and maybe you wouldn’t be working ten hour days.”</p><p>“I’ve told you why I don’t want to work for one of those firms.  And all early year associates work ridiculous hours,” she said.  “What is this really about?”</p><p>“You’re never free.  Between work and your dad and your friends, I never see you,” he said.</p><p>“That’s not true,” she said.  “I am busy, but I spend loads of time with you and I come along to things with your friends.  Why don’t you come with me when I catch up with Mac and Wallace?”</p><p>Ignoring her point, he said, “You’re never free to go away for the weekend.”</p><p>“I am.  I’m just not free to skip out of work on a Friday to go,” she answered.</p><p>“I feel like I’m missing out all the time.  Everyone else goes.”</p><p>“Chris, you knew I was a law associate when we started dating.  I don’t have a job where I can just up and skip out when I feel like it,” she said.  “Mike’s girlfriend Chelsea doesn’t go. She’s a teacher and she can’t just take off either.”</p><p>“Mike and Chelsea broke up,” said Chris.</p><p>Veronica finally got it.  “You want to break up.”</p><p>“No, I just want a girlfriend who can do the things I want to do with me,” said Chris.</p><p>“Which isn’t me,” she said.</p><p>“I guess not,” said Chris.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Just close your eyes and I'll be there</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“You have to help me,” said Logan.</p><p>“With what,” Veronica asked as they sat at a booth in their favorite San Diego bar. He had been back two weeks and had called her to catch up.  They had just finished eating and were nursing drinks.</p><p>“Baby names,” he stated, emphatically.</p><p>She looked at him over the rim of her wineglass and said, “Forgive me, but I think the person you should be talking about this with is the one pregnant with your child.”</p><p>“I’ve been trying,” he said pitifully.  “You know how there is this trend with celebrities giving girls a boy’s name?”</p><p>“I have heard that,” she said.  “I think it’s called gender neutral naming now.  You wouldn’t have a problem with that, would you?”</p><p>“Not per se, but she wants to name the baby Billie if it’s a girl,” he answered.</p><p>“Billie is quite sweet, really,” observed Veronica.</p><p>“Yes, but it was also the name of the character my mom played in the soap opera she worked on,” he said.  “I just don’t want that name for my child.”</p><p>“Have you told her?”</p><p>“I’ve told her I don’t like the name.  I haven’t told her why.  She is a bit overly fascinated by my mom and I think that might make her refuse to back down,” he said.</p><p>“I’m sure there are quite a lot of celebrities who have named their children Billie.  Carrie Fisher’s daughter is Billie.  Could you convince her she doesn’t want to be the second Carrie with a child named Billie?” suggested Veronica.</p><p>“That’s a good pitch.  She likes the idea of being a little bit original so that might work,” he said.</p><p>“What names do you like?” asked Veronica.</p><p>He thought a moment, “I looked up some.  I would have to convince Carrie, but there were a few I liked in the gender neutral names.  Like Ryan, Morgan, Jordan, Riley.  I just don’t want to burden her with something too unusual.  Echolls is enough of a label.”</p><p>“They’re good names. Really good,” she replied.  She smiled wickedly, “There’s always the Gwyneth Paltrow idea.  Name your child after a fruit.”</p><p>“Riiiight,” he drawled.  “Apricot, Peach, or Grape.  Maybe Honeydew?  Great help you are,” he said sarcastically.</p><p>“I don’t know, Orange Echolls has a certain ring to it,” she replied, deadpan.</p><p>He looked at her in disbelief, and they both burst into laughter.</p><p>“What if it’s a boy?” she asked.</p><p>“Carrie’s convinced it’s a girl and won’t discuss boy’s names,” said Logan</p><p>“That’s not what I asked, oh master of deflection,” said Veronica, playfully.  “What do you like?”</p><p>“Probably classic names.  Something like James, Michael, or David.  Absolutely not Aaron or anything starting with A.  I don’t want to be seeing A. Echolls on anything again, ever,” he said, fervently.</p><p>“Understandable,” she replied.  Then added, “not Richard.”</p><p>“Okay, no Dicks in my family,” he replied.</p><p>They both smirked.</p><p>“Logan junior?” she asked tentatively.</p><p>“Oh God, no,” responded Logan. “Could you imagine me trying to manage a teenage me in the future?”</p><p>Veronica laughed, “I think you would be the ideal person to manage a teenage you.  You already know all the places they could hide the booze.”</p><p>“So all my teenage misadventures will come back to haunt me?”</p><p>“Stop worrying so much.”  She spoke lightly, but she knew he needed reassurance.  “You’re going to be a good dad.  And besides, if your kid does get accused of murder, you’ve already been there.  How much worse could it get?”</p><p>“You’re not helping, Mars,” he retorted.</p><p>She laughed.</p><p> He deliberately changed the subject.  “What about you?  Have you met anyone since Chris?” he asked, deliberately casually.</p><p>Allowing him the obvious change of topic, she replied, “Not really.  I’ve had a couple of dates but they have been the ‘catch and release’ type.  Like the chase, but no follow up.  But the 50 year old office manager at my office does keep trying to set me up with her cousin.”  She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“He’s forty-five and balding,” she answered.</p><p>“So, not all of us are lucky enough to have a full head of hair,” he replied with a smirk.</p><p>“He’s trying to hide it with a comb-over,” she answered.</p><p>“Ah,” he said, and they both shuddered.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">Four weeks later</span>
</p><p>“It’s a girl,” said Logan.  He had called her mid-morning to give her the news.  “Six pounds, two ounces.  She and Carrie are both okay.”</p><p>Veronica squashed the instinctive bitterness and resentment deep inside and with a fake-it-till-you-make-it feigned happiness, responded, “Congratulations! You’re going to make a great dad.”</p><p>“Am I?  She’s so little and helpless and my parental examples are a pretty low bar. I’m scared, Veronica, what if I become him, you know?” he replied.</p><p>Veronica heard it, the self-mocking tone he used at his most insecure and his raw fear and chided herself for her jealousy.  This is Logan, she thought.  He needs to know he can do this and that someone believes in him.  “Logan Echolls, you have more love and compassion in your little finger than Aaron had in his whole body.  That little girl will be lucky to have you.  I know exactly how much love you can give and to what lengths you will go to protect those you love,” <em>even if I couldn’t appreciate it myself,</em> thought Veronica.  “Think about what you have done to get ready for this baby.  You did your best to make sure Carrie stayed clean, you read every baby book you could lay your hands on, you bought a house so Carrie and the baby have a safe place to live, you’re going to therapy to make sure you don’t start behaving like Aaron, although I never believed you would.  You really are going to be a great dad.”</p><p>“Well, I’m glad you have faith in me.  This isn’t exactly how I saw my future.”</p><p>“You never thought about kids with Carrie?  Not even when it was going well?”</p><p>“No.  I hadn’t really thought about having kids,” said Logan.  <em>At least not with Carrie. </em>  Maybe that’s part of why Carrie and I didn’t work, but she had never spoken about kids either.”</p><p>“So does she have a name yet, Echolls?” asked Veronica, changing the subject.</p><p>“Ah yeah.  Scarlett.  Scarlett Ryan Echolls.”</p><p>“That’s not what I expected, but it’s nice.”</p><p>“Yeah, I like it.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Am I going to meet this beautiful daughter of yours?  She is, after all, all you talk about,” said Veronica.</p><p>Logan knew he was smitten.  He couldn’t help it really.  His tiny little girl was two months old and she had stolen his heart.  The custody arrangement he had worked out with Carrie before she was born was working so far.  Carrie had moved into the house he had bought in Neptune, and would stay until the baby was six months, or if he was deployed until his return. Carrie was in the guest room at the other end of the house and the baby’s room was between them. He had made it pretty clear to Carrie that this was about what was best for Scarlett and he wasn’t up for a reconciliation.</p><p>He had taken a month’s leave when the baby was born and had initially taken to looking after her at night.  After the initial weeks where she had rarely slept and he wondered if he was going insane with sleep deprivation, she started to settle into a pattern.  When he had to go back to working on base in San Diego, they had worked out a 50:50 split and Carrie had been happy for him to take weekends and a day and a half midweek.  He employed a nanny for the days when he had to work, but he was always home at night.</p><p>“Are you coming up to Neptune this weekend to see your dad?”</p><p>“Yeah,” she replied.</p><p>“I could bring her to visit,” he suggested.</p><p>“You’re willing to visit my dad?” she replied. “You’re braver than I expected.”</p><p>“I’m relying on grandparent broodiness to overcome any parental hostility,” he said.</p><p>She shot back, “So you’re willing to sacrifice me on the altar of grandparent broodiness?”</p><p>“Whatever it takes, Mars. Whatever it takes.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Veronica wasn’t much of a baby person.  But the sight of Logan cradling this tiny thing on his chest as he walked up the path to her dad’s front door was enough to make the strongest woman swoon. She had never really thought of having a child, hadn’t wanted one, but suddenly the vague envy that had settled in about Carrie having Logan’s child exploded into full grown jealousy and longing, taking her completely by surprise.</p><p>“Interesting,” said Logan as he got closer to her.  “I didn’t expect her to have that effect on you.”</p><p>His voice jarred her out of her reverie.  “Sorry, what?”</p><p>“I met Dick for coffee last week and had Scarlett with me.  Every single woman in a three block radius stopped by to ‘talk’.  Dick’s decided Scarlett should now be his wingman.”</p><p>“Ugh, you’re kidding me.”</p><p>“You had to be there to believe it.”</p><p>“You’re not planning on letting Dick do it?  I mean, I know it’s not likely, but somehow I’m compelled to check,” she asked.</p><p>“Ah, no,”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“So, this is Scarlett,” said Logan, turning to show her the face of the little bundle in his arms.  “She’s asleep at the moment, nothing like a ride in the car to have her nod off, but she will probably wake up in a little while.”</p><p>Veronica peered down at the baby’s face, slack in sleep with a pacifier starting to drop from her mouth.  “She has your mouth,” observed Veronica.</p><p>“And my ears, unfortunately,” he replied.</p><p>“Hopefully she’ll grow into them,” she said.</p><p>“I’m still hoping I’ll grow into mine,” he answered.  She laughed, and the baby stirred.  Without any free hands, Logan said, “Can you just pop the pacifier back in her mouth?”</p><p>Veronica did, and the baby started sucking hard on it, but settled back on Logan’s chest.</p><p>“Come inside.  Dad’s out but he should be back in about half an hour.”  As they walked in, she said, “You’ve become a bit of a pro at this, haven’t you?”</p><p>“I think pro is stretching it, but we are figuring each other out.  She is still mostly just eating and sleeping with a few waking periods and thankfully the sleep-all-day, party-all-night phase is over for now.  I’ve been back at work a month and have finally gotten some nighttime sleep in the last two weeks.</p><p>“How’s the nanny working out?” she asked.</p><p>“Good so far.  I got your dad to do the background check on her,” he said.</p><p>“Really?” she asked.</p><p>“He didn’t tell you?” When she shook her head he said, “Yeah, I had to get someone to do it. She’s Neptune based, and I knew your dad would do a good job.  The agency had already recommended her, but his check was the confirmation I wanted.  My list of requirements wasn’t that big.  I wanted someone warm with little children who wouldn’t run to the press with photos or stories of the Echolls / deVille child and who wasn’t going to try to sleep with me, or Carrie.  Most of the nannies I had as a child did one of those, or both.  Carol is ideal.”</p><p>“That’s good then.  I’m glad she’s working out for you,” replied Veronica</p><p>Scarlett started fussing and Logan said, I’ll need to change and feed her.”  Pulling a bottle of water, a diaper and wipes out of the cavernous bag, he asked her, “Could you warm this up?  I’ll just change her.”  By the time Veronica got back from the kitchen, Logan had the little girl changed and dressed in a new clean onesie.  She handed him the bottle and he dumped formula powder in and shook it up.</p><p>“Carrie’s not nursing?”</p><p>“She tried.  Just couldn’t make it work, and the stress was getting to her, so I suggested she just not worry.  A stressed, anxious ex-addict mother was not going to be good for any of us.  I have to admit, it’s less for me to worry about.  If Carrie does start using again, I’ll only have her to worry about, not Scarlett being affected too, at least not physically.”  As he spoke, he deftly settled the baby into the crook of his arm and guided the bottle to her lips.  She latched on and was soon sucking at a pace that astounded Veronica.</p><p>“Wow, just wow.  And you say I can eat.”</p><p>“She does like her lunch.  And breakfast, dinner and midnight snacks and all the rest,” he said.</p><p>“You’re really good with her,” observed Veronica.</p><p>“I’m getting by.  It’s been a steep learning curve and she’s in a good phase now.   I don’t expect it will last,” he said.  “But I’m here for the long haul.”</p><p>“Told you you’d be a great dad,” she said smiling.</p><p>***</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Listen to the sound</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>They fell into a pattern. He’d meet her for a drink on Thursdays after work in San Diego.  She would catch up with him with the baby in Neptune initially every other weekend, which gradually became every weekend.  Even her dad, who had been very suspicious of <em>Logan Echolls,</em> of all people, on his doorstep with a baby in tow had come to accept it.  It didn’t hurt that Logan’s prediction of grandparental broodiness was evident.</p><p>“You never ask me,” she said to Keith one Saturday while they waited for Logan to arrive with Scarlett.</p><p>“Ask you what?” he said.</p><p>“When I’m going to have kids,” she said.</p><p>“Well, I think the correct question is <em>do you think you want kids</em>?  And would you answer?” Keith replied.</p><p>“Probably not,” she said.</p><p>“So I don’t ask,” he said.  “I know it’s a difficult topic for you, but I’m starting to wonder if you’re thinking about it.”</p><p>“Maybe I am,” she mused. “Or at least what I have missed out on.”</p><p>“Because of him,” he said meaningfully.  “He’s turning out to be a better father than anyone expected.”</p><p>“I always knew he’d be a good father,” said Veronica.  “He’s always been protective.”</p><p>Keith looked at her shrewdly, “Even when you didn’t want it?”</p><p>“Even then,” she agreed.</p><p>The conversation was cut short as the doorbell rang. Veronica answered the door and let an exhausted looking Logan and fractious Scarlett in.</p><p>“Sorry, I probably should have cancelled.  I think she’s teething and neither of us have had much sleep for a couple of days,” said Logan.  “If it’s okay, I’ll just feed her and then we should go.”</p><p>“Logan, it’s fine,” she said.  Glancing quickly at Keith and catching his almost imperceptible nod, she continued, “In fact, why don’t you crash in the spare room for a few hours?  Dad and I can look after this little girl for a little while.”</p><p>It was clear to Keith and Veronica that Logan was torn between not wanting to impose and desperately craving sleep.  Keith spoke, “It’s fine, honestly Logan.  I remember this one,” nodding towards Veronica, “teething.  You should take any break you are offered.”</p><p>“Okay, if you’re sure?”</p><p>“We are,” said Keith.  “Why don’t you give her to me and Veronica will get you a blanket.”</p><p>In the spare room at the back of the house, Logan turned to Veronica, “Isn’t this where you sleep when you’re here?”</p><p>She hesitated a minute, “Yeah.  I’ll, um, get you some fresh sheets as I got here last night.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t worry.  I’m so tired, I’ll just crash on the covers,” he said.</p><p>“I’ll just get you that blanket,” said Veronica, acutely aware he was about to go to sleep on her bed, albeit without her in it.</p><p>By the time she returned a few minutes later, he was prone on the bed, fast asleep.  She covered him with the blanket and walked out, closing the door behind her.</p><p>In the living room, she spoke to Keith, who was already walking up and down the room, grizzling baby over his shoulder, “He’s already asleep.”</p><p>Keith replied, “And this little one is so overtired, she can’t get to sleep.  You take over here and I’ll see if he has any teething rings,” and passed her to Veronica.  Not finding any in Scarlett’s bag, he headed to the bathroom and returned with a couple of clean small washcloths. Dampening them with some of the water in one of Scarlett’s bottles, he handed one to Veronica, saying, “give her that to chew on for now.  I’ll put the other in the freezer for later.”</p><p>By this time, the baby was accelerating from grizzly to full blown crying, and when Veronica put the edge of the cool damp cloth against her open mouth, her little face screwed up, but her gums clamped down and she started gnawing, cries descending back to whimpers.</p><p>“She seems to like that,” Veronica said to Keith on his return.</p><p>“I learned a trick or two,” he replied.</p><p>They split holding her for the next couple of hours, walking up and down the room, changing out the washcloth for a fresh cold one every half hour or so.  After two hours, her cries changed and realizing she was wet and hungry, they changed her, fed her and Keith showed Veronica how to swaddle her up tightly in a wrap.  She started to settle and when her eyes finally closed in exhaustion, Keith said, “Why don’t you go sit on the couch with her?  I think she’s more likely to stay asleep if she’s held for now.”</p><p>When Logan awoke two hours later, he was surrounded by Veronica’s scent and felt a familiar longing.  Realizing that it was from her pillow, where she had slept the previous night, he resolutely pushed it out of his mind, got up and stumbled out to the living room where he was confronted by the sight of his baby daughter sleeping peacefully on Veronica’s chest, who had also fallen asleep with the baby in her arms.</p><p>Keith held his finger to his lips in the universal ‘quiet’ symbol and nodded towards the kitchen.  Once there, he said, “I’ve just got some coffee brewing.  Want some?”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” replied Logan gratefully.  “How long has she been asleep?”</p><p>Keith smiled, “Your daughter’s been asleep about two hours.  Mine about one and a half, and you don’t have to call me ‘sir’.  Keith is fine.”</p><p>“Navy discipline.  But I am so grateful and slightly in awe.  How did you manage to get her to sleep?”</p><p>“A lot of walking the floor, some cold cloths for her gums, and a full belly,” replied Keith.  “You might want to invest in some teething rings.  Keep them in the freezer, they work better.”</p><p>“Thanks.  Just thanks for all of this,” said Logan.</p><p>“Son, it’s okay.  You don’t have to do all of this alone.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Later that night, Veronica went to sleep on a pillow surrounded by Logan’s scent, all sandalwood, citrus and surf.  The following day she headed back to San Diego with the pillowcase tucked in her bag.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>A week later, Logan called her to tell her they had been formally informed they would be deploying in four weeks.  He asked Keith to babysit Scarlett for a few hours because he needed to talk to Veronica about some legal matters.</p><p>“So what’s this about, Echolls?” she said suspiciously.  “You said you have some legal issues to discuss.  But I’m not your lawyer, so spill.”</p><p>Logan took a deep breath before speaking, “As a single custodial father in the military, I have to have what is called a ‘family care plan’ for Scarlett.  In it, if I am deployed, Carrie takes over with temporary full custody until my return.  I’ve organized to have the nanny go full time during the week and to have a housekeeper in on the weekends.  Carrie hasn’t been using, but I’ve also been there a lot and I just want to know Scarlett is being looked after.”</p><p>“That sounds smart.  Do you need me to have a look over the plan?” asked Veronica.</p><p>“Not exactly.  I would like to ask you to do two things,” he replied.  “First is to become one of the trustees of Scarlett’s trust fund while I am deployed and in the event that something happens to me.”</p><p>Veronica nodded.  “I can do that.  I’m not really used to the idea of the amount of money involved, but I can at least ensure it’s not being squandered.  And that Scarlett gets what she needs.”  Truthfully she had been expecting this since Logan had said he wanted to speak with her a few days earlier.  “What’s the second thing?”</p><p>“I would like to name you as taking over temporary custody if anything happens to Carrie while I’m away.  It would only be in an emergency and if it happens, I should get returned to the States but it could potentially take a few days and I don’t want her in State custody in the meantime.  I know it’s asking a lot, but Trina has as many substance abuse issues as Carrie has had and I just don’t have anyone else to ask.”</p><p>Veronica’s jaw dropped.  “You want me to take on Scarlett?  Full time?” </p><p>“Only in an emergency.  It’s just, six months is a long time away, and while Carrie is fine now, I don’t want to leave this to chance.  Scarlett’s too important to me.  She’ll still have a nanny and all, and I could arrange for that 24/7 like I had when I was a child if it was needed, but I just need a permanent person around to make decisions if I can’t be contacted.  Sometimes we go dark and it’s got me shaken,” he said.</p><p>“Why me?”she asked.</p><p>“Look, you and your dad have probably spent the most time around her of anyone outside me, Carrie and the nanny.  She has, at least, met you.  Otherwise, it’s probably got to be my lawyer as the other trustee.”</p><p>“It’s just in case of emergency?” she asked.</p><p>“Just if something happens to Carrie when I’m away,” he assured her.</p><p>“Okay.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. In the spring, protective arms surrounding you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>She wanted a glass of wine.  Just one.  Scarlett had finally gone to sleep.  Veronica had seen Logan put her down often enough at her dad’s place to know what to do in theory.  It hadn’t been as easy in practice, but she had managed it, and now she wanted a glass of wine while she tried to make sense of what was happening.</p><p>She had driven straight to Neptune as soon as Social Services had contacted her.  Logan had organized the security company to meet her at his Neptune house with keys and security codes.  The paparazzi were outside the house, but the security company and soundproofing were keeping them at bay.  The new Neptune Sheriff, Dan Lamb, had interviewed her but as she had little contact with Carrie in recent weeks and had been at work in San Diego when the call came in, he had no option but to leave her when Social Services had arrived with Scarlett.</p><p>She hunted around kitchen and living areas, but found no alcohol.  No wine, no beer, no spirits, no anything and then she remembered that Carrie was an addict.  Logan would have been insistent that there was no alcohol in the house and instead she went in search of adult food.  She had found baby food and formula earlier for Scarlett, but the fridge had looked pretty bare and she wondered what Carrie had been eating.  Upon finding little more than breakfast cereal and coffee in the cupboards and orange juice and milk in the fridge, she gave in and called out for pizza. </p><p>She wished her dad was there.  He had been away on a case when she called him, but was on his way back and should arrive in the morning.  Logan was also on his way back, but it was going to take him at least another 24 hours, maybe longer.  Her phone rang.</p><p>“Hi, Logan,” she answered, seeing it was him on the display.</p><p>“Veronica.  Is she okay, is Scarlett okay?” he asked, clearly fighting off panic.</p><p>“She’s fine, Logan. I fed her and got her down to sleep about an hour ago.  They checked her out at the hospital and she’s completely okay,” Veronica reassured.</p><p>“Okay, okay,” he responded, relief evident in his voice.  “I will be in Tokyo soon and am organizing flights back.   Looks like I’ll be there late tomorrow.”</p><p>“It’s all okay, Logan.  My dad is coming tomorrow morning.  I couldn’t get any information out of the Sheriff about Carrie, but Dad should have better sources.  I just focused on Scarlett today,” she said.</p><p>“Thank you.  I am worried about Carrie, but it’s a relief knowing I don’t have to worry about Scarlett being safe as well.”</p><p>“Just a warning, when you get here, the paps are outside the house.  When I got here, and your security company met me, I asked if they could have someone stationed outside the house until your return.  I thought you would want some additional backup in the circumstances.”</p><p>“Good idea.  I’m going to give Carol a call and see where she is.”</p><p>“I think she is upstate.  There’s a note in the kitchen thanking Carrie for giving her a few days off to go to her Great Aunt’s 100<sup>th</sup> birthday up in Santa Clara.  It says she will be back on Monday.”</p><p>“Ah.  I’ll call her anyway to see if she has any ideas as to where Carrie might have gone.”</p><p>“Okay.  Hold on, I just thought of something.”  Veronica padded quickly up the stairs to Scarlett’s room and outside the door, she said to him, “I’m just going to mute you so there’s no noise,” and opened the door to Scarlett’s room and quickly snapped a couple of photos of the little girl in her crib in the soft light of the night light.  Silently backing out of the room, she unmuted the phone and messaged them to him.  “I’ve just sent you a couple of photos.  I’ll take some more tomorrow when she’s awake.”</p><p>“Thanks, Veronica.  I am really, really grateful.  Will you have any problem with work, taking the time?     ”</p><p>“No.  My boss has a brother in the services.  He said to keep him in the loop.  He and his wife had agreed to something similar for his brother and told me not to worry.”</p><p>“That’s good then.  The photos just came through and she looks so peaceful.  Thank you, again.  I’m going to have to go, my ride to Tokyo is about to leave.  I’ll call from the airport.”</p><p>“I’ll look after her, Logan.  We’ll be waiting when you get here.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Veronica was sitting on the floor in the living room watching Scarlett crawl around, investigating the furniture.  She had found a box of toys and pulled some blocks and toy animals out, but the baby was far more interested in trying to pull herself up to stand at the edge of the couch than a in a set of plastic zoo animals.  She heard the security pad at the front door and quickly stood up, scooping up Scarlett and settling her on her hip before heading for the hallway.</p><p>Logan let himself in and seeing Veronica and the baby, dropped his duffel and hurried towards them.  Prepared to hand him Scarlett, she was surprised when he simply enfolded both of them in his arms.  They stood like that for several minutes, him kissing the baby’s hair.</p><p>Scarlett started to protest, so Logan murmured, “I’ll just wash up,” and headed to the bathroom.  When he returned, he took Scarlett from Veronica.  The baby started whimpering, then crying, twisting herself around back towards Veronica.  Logan looked at her in askance.</p><p>“It’s ok.  She just needs some time to get used to you again,” said Veronica. “She was like that yesterday with me.  The only person she doesn’t cry with is my dad, and I have no idea why.”</p><p>“You have seen her while I’ve been away, at least,” referring to how Carrie had asked Veronica and Keith to look after her on Saturdays every couple of weeks.</p><p>“And she cries for me each and every time, but never for Dad.  Carrie hasn’t asked in the last month, though,” said Veronica.  “She usually settles pretty quickly.  Why don’t we go into the living room so she can get used to you a bit,” and led the way back.</p><p>Logan put the baby down onto a playmat on the floor and she quickly crawled over to Veronica.  Once safely tucked into Veronica’s lap, she quietened and then almost as quickly turned around to start inspecting Logan.</p><p>“She has gotten so big and I can’t believe how fast she is crawling.  She was only just sitting when I left.  You sent videos and stuff, but it’s,” and he paused, “so much more real now.”</p><p>“Why don’t you pick up her teddy over there and hold it in your lap.  Pretend to talk to it because she’s already curious about you, and that will likely have her come to you.”</p><p>Pretending to talk to the stuffed bear, Logan said, “Have you heard anything about Carrie?  I called the Sheriff but they didn’t tell me anything.”</p><p>“Dad said this morning that they seem to think she may have gotten drunk and gone swimming,” replied Veronica, “He was going to see if he could get any more, but he hasn’t called back yet.  The Sheriff’s department searched her room this morning and took her laptop away.”</p><p>As they spoke, Scarlett’s reticence was overcome by her curiosity of the person holding her teddy.  Veronica spoke to her directly, “Scarlett, there’s Daddy.  He’s got your teddy.”</p><p>Veronica continued to talk about the case with Logan, and Scarlett eventually crawled back to the playmat where she sat and chewed on a block, while looking at Logan. Veronica’s phone rang and she pulled it from her pocket and checking the display, headed out into the hallway.</p><p>“Hi Dad, is there any news?”</p><p>“Not a lot,” answered Keith.  “She left her phone in her car, and they’re interviewing all the people she had been in contact with in the last couple of weeks, but not much else.  Has Logan gotten back?”</p><p>“A little while ago.”</p><p>“Can you ask him if he knew someone called Sean Friedrich?” asked Keith.</p><p>“Sean Friedrich was in our class at Neptune High.  Pretended to be rich, but his dad was a butler.  I caught him stealing at a poker game. Why?” Veronica asked.</p><p>“She had been calling him a lot in the last couple of weeks.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll ask Logan if he knows why Carrie would be calling Sean,” she answered.  “I haven’t seen him since graduation, so I don’t know what he is doing anymore.”</p><p>“Are you heading back to San Diego now that Logan is back?” asked Keith.</p><p>Veronica paused, “I thought I’d ask Logan if he wants me to stay a few days.  Not have everything change again too quickly for Scarlett and give him a chance to get over the jet lag.  I’m covered at work until Monday.”</p><p>“Are you sure that’s wise, Veronica?”</p><p>Veronica knew what he was asking but chose to take the avoidance option anyway.  “Wise to help one of my oldest friends look after his infant daughter for a few days?  I think that’s okay.”</p><p>Keith sighed. “Veronica…”</p><p>She cut in.  “I know, Dad.  But I have to do this.  I have to help him.”</p><p>“You always have.”</p><p>“If the tables were turned, he would help me,” she said.</p><p>“Yeah, I know.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>When Veronica returned to the living room, Scarlett had abandoned the play mat and was ensconced on Logan’s lap.  “Any news?” he asked Veronica.</p><p>“Not really.  They are chasing up her recent contacts from her phone.  He did say she had been calling Sean Friedrich in the last couple of weeks.  Do you know why she would be calling him? I mean he’s not exactly in the Dick and Gia circle,” said Veronica.</p><p>Logan’s face hardened, “Sean’s a dealer.  Was in fact her dealer here in Neptune.  I asked him to stay away from her when she was pregnant.”</p><p>“And by asked, you mean…”</p><p>“Suggested I would take him apart limb by limb,” replied Logan, harshly.</p><p>“Okay.”  Veronica could see Logan’s protectiveness out in full force.  “I’ll let Dad know about Sean.”</p><p>“The last call I had with Carrie, she told me that the studio was pressing for new material, but she was struggling.  She had previously done most of her writing a little or a lot high, but she was trying.  I asked her if she wanted to get the sober companion back.  She said she’d think about it but wanted to stick it out a bit longer,” he said. “I have to think she didn’t stick.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Logan.”</p><p>“I am too.  Mainly for Scarlett, but for Carrie too.  If they find her alive, I’m never going to let her have custody of Scarlett again, and if it’s the other, well Scarlett will have lost her mother to addiction.”</p><p>Veronica could see his mind striking the parallel to his own mother and said, “But she’s not going to lose you, Logan.”</p><p>“No, she won’t,” Logan said emphatically.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Veronica stayed the weekend. </p><p>On Saturday, Carrie’s body washed up on the shoreline.  Logan had to identify her and upon his return to the house, he sat in the chair in his daughter’s room, watching her as she napped, gathering her into his arms when she roused, holding her as she awoke.  Veronica’s heart broke for the little girl who would now never know her mother and her friend who had lost yet another part of his life.</p><p>Later that evening, Veronica asked, “Did they say what happened?”</p><p>“She drowned.  It wasn’t an overdose.  She hadn’t started using drugs again but she had a fairly high alcohol level with some antidepressants,” said Logan.  “The medical examiner said they are ruling it an accident.  There is no evidence she did it on purpose and she may well have just been drunk and gone for a swim.”</p><p>“So what do you do now?” asked Veronica.</p><p>“I’m not sure,” replied Logan.  “My commissioning commitment is eight years and that was due to finish once this deployment and the following shore rotation is over.  Before Scarlett, I would have re-upped, but I had already decided to leave when she was born.  Now, I’ll start looking into early separation.”</p><p>“You don’t want to,” observed Veronica.</p><p>“No.  I’ve loved the Navy.  It gave me structure and discipline where I didn’t have it before and it’s possibly fair to say it saved my life,” answered Logan.  “But I will, because I love Scarlett more and I don’t want her growing up without a parent around for long stretches.”</p><p>“Like you did,” said Veronica.</p><p>“Like I did,” agreed Logan.  “Although to be fair, my life was better when Aaron was away.  But I didn’t have a stable parent at all.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Veronica spoke first, “So what is the verdict, Echolls?” </p><p>They were meeting for lunch mid-week after his return.  He had spent the morning with Navy personnel command finding out his options and Scarlett was at home with the nanny.</p><p>“So, I can apply for a hardship separation.  As Carrie is dead and we don’t have any suitable relatives to care for Scarlett, it should go through, but for once, my money isn’t going to make it easier.  Because I only have six weeks left of this deployment, and then will have a shore rotation, it might be a sticking point that I could afford to get someone to care for her for the time remaining on my deployment.</p><p>“Like a live-in nanny?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“What do you think about the idea?”</p><p>“It’s pretty low on my list of ideal scenarios, but I may not have a choice,” said Logan.  “A couple of my squadmates have kind of volunteered their partners to help if needed, but she’s still a baby so it’s a big commitment.  Also, I wouldn’t want anyone of them to end up being harassed by the paparazzi.”</p><p>“When will you find out?”</p><p>“I haven’t put in the paperwork yet.  Once it goes in, it is irrevocable, so I just want to be sure.  I need this to be good for the both of us, but I need to decide by the end of the week.  It isn’t that long and maybe the live-in nanny plus housekeeper would be ok, just for six weeks,” he said.  “Honestly, most of my nannies were okay, even the ones who were really just there to try to fuck Aaron.”</p><p>“I’ll help as much as I can, Logan.”</p><p>He answered, a little surprised, “I know you would, but I can’t ask you to do this.  It’s too much, too big, even for a friend as good as you.”</p><p>Veronica realized he had misconstrued her offer of help, but rather than correcting him, just followed up with, “If there is anything I can help with, just ask.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Something about Logan’s idea that she had been offering to care for Scarlett took root in her brain.  For the following two days, she couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Thinking about how she could make it work, how she could rearrange things in her apartment to suit a baby.  On Thursday night, she called Logan.</p><p>He answered the phone, “Hey Veronica, I was going to call you.”</p><p>Jumping straight in, before she could chicken out she said, “I can do it. I can look after Scarlett for the six weeks you have to go back.”</p><p>“Sorry?” he said bemused.</p><p>“I can keep Scarlett while you go back,” she repeated. “If you can get me a daytime nanny for the work week, I can take her until you get back.”</p><p>Logan was silent for a moment, “I can’t ask you to do that.  I can’t expect you to give up your life for my child.”</p><p>“In case you missed it, Logan, you’re not asking, I’m offering,” she replied.  “You said yourself, it’s just six weeks.  Forty-two days.  It’s not a lifetime, and my dad will help on the weekends, because he loves your little girl too.  She can stay with me here in San Diego during the week and the nanny will come in to look after her while I am at work.  Also, she knows me and it won’t be as scary for her.”</p><p>“Veronica, this is a massive commitment,” he started.</p><p>She interrupted, “Look, if it doesn’t work, you can put in the papers for early release then.  At least then you can show you have tried another solution and it didn’t work out.  If it does work, and I think it will, you come back and Scarlett is safe and happy and you haven’t had to quit the job you love.”</p><p>In the face of her determination, he voiced a last objection, “I don’t want to trade on your friendship like this, it means too much to me.”</p><p>“It’s precisely because you mean so much to me that I want to do this,” she said emphatically.  “Think about it honestly, if the tables were turned, if it were me in this position, would you do it for me?”</p><p>That stopped him, “Yeah, I would.”</p><p>“Exactly,” she said.  “Tell your CO or whoever, and then we can spend the next week figuring out how to make this work instead of worrying about if your request will be approved.”</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Just close your eyes and I'll be there</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Friday was Carrie’s burial.  Veronica headed back to Neptune to head to attend with Keith, Mac and Wallace. Logan had insisted the affair be private and restricted the guest list ruthlessly.  No cameras, no phones, nothing to intrude on the privacy of his daughter.  Security checked names at the door, searched bags and provided locked pouches for phones and cameras.  Carrie had very little family left but a couple of distant cousins and an estranged aunt attended.  Dick came with Gia and Luke with Gia vociferously complaining about having her phone access removed.</p><p>Logan and Veronica had arranged for Keith, Mac and Wallace to come back to Logan’s house after the service, to tell them all that Veronica would be looking after Scarlett for the six weeks Logan had to return to his deployment.</p><p>After she and Logan told them their plan, and the reasons behind it, Veronica finished by saying,  “Carol, Scarlett’s current nanny will come down to San Diego for the first week until we can finalize a nanny in the city, and I’ve arranged with my boss to be able to take work home when needed.  We’re going to try to keep her identity as quiet as possible, so I’m just saying it’s my cousin’s daughter who I am looking after for a while.  All you on the other hand know who she is so I wanted to make sure you knew what was going on.  It’s just six weeks,” Veronica emphasized, “but I’ll be pretty tied up.”</p><p>Wallace spoke first, “You are going to be looking after Scarlett, full time, on your own, for six weeks.”</p><p>“Not on my own.  She has a nanny and there will be a babysitter if I need it,” she defended. “There just aren’t a load of other options.”</p><p>Logan then spoke, “I wish there was another way, an easier way, but I can’t find it.  I can’t think of more than one or two people I would trust my daughter to, so I’m incredibly grateful to Veronica for doing this.  And I’d like to ask you all to help her out, help me out, but mostly help keep Scarlett safe.”</p><p>Mac looked at them both and said, “I don’t know if the two of you really know what you are doing, but I can see why you are doing it.  I’m in.  Anything you need me for, just ask.”</p><p>Keith had been silent up till then but said, “Can I talk to you alone, Veronica?”</p><p>Logan said, “I think I should be there too, Mr Mars.”</p><p>“I want to talk to you too, Logan, but right now I just want to talk to my daughter alone.”</p><p>Veronica touched Logan’s arm and said, “It’s okay,” and in that moment the three onlookers could see exactly where this was going to end, even if the participants couldn’t.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Keith asked Veronica, “Do you really know what you are doing here?”</p><p>“Not really Dad, but I’ll manage.”</p><p>“I’m not talking about Scarlett.”</p><p>“It’s not like that, Dad.”</p><p>Keith looked at her and sighed. “I know I can’t dissuade you from this and truthfully, I won’t even try because this is probably the best thing for Scarlett right now.  But don’t kid yourself that your heart isn’t involved, Veronica.”</p><p>“I just can’t think about it right now,” replied Veronica.</p><p>Keith relented, “Okay.  But you have to bring her to Neptune for the weekends.”</p><p>Veronica smiled.  She knew Scarlett had wormed her way into her dad’s heart.  “Don’t worry, I will.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The next week flew by.  Veronica was back at work and Logan spent the first couple of days getting a crib, fitting out Veronica’s guest room for Scarlett and baby proofing the apartment.  Veronica was a bit taken aback by the amount of stuff a baby needed, but Logan managed to get most of it put away so that it didn’t completely overwhelm the apartment.</p><p>“I’m starting to realise why you looked like a pack horse every time you came to Dad’s house,” observed Veronica on Wednesday afternoon.</p><p>“The most important bit is to not forget the actual baby. Everything else will work out,” replied Logan.</p><p>“And diapers.  Really not a good idea to forget the diapers.”</p><p>Logan laughed.  “We are heading to Neptune tonight, then back up here tomorrow before I fly out.”</p><p>“Carol will come up tomorrow to see the apartment and the new nanny starts next Wednesday.”</p><p>“It’s a lot of change for Scarlett,” mused Logan.</p><p>“Yes, but it can’t be helped and we’ve spread it out to help her adapt.  And it’s six weeks.  Then you’ll be home and you have weeks before your next posting.”</p><p>“Speaking of which, I got North Island.  I think my CO has done some serious finagling on my behalf to make that happen, but that will, at least make it easier.”</p><p>“That’s great, Logan,” she said.  “Are you going to stay in the house in Neptune and commute?”</p><p>“No.  I’ll find something here in San Diego,” he replied. “I don’t want to be spending time that much time commuting if I am based here for eighteen months.”</p><p>Veronica’s heart stuttered at the thought he would be living in her city when he returned.  “That's a good idea.”</p><p>“That’s what I thought,” he said, “Closer for Scarlett.”  <em>Closer to you, </em>he thought.  “For now, though, we should get this show on the road.”</p><p>They drove separately to Logan’s house in Neptune.  They would leave Logan’s car locked up at the house in Neptune and head back to San Diego in Veronica’s car the following morning.  Keith joined them for dinner at the house.</p><p>Logan was prepping dinner while Veronica played with Scarlett in the pool when Keith said, “What are your intentions?”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Pretty sure you heard me,” answered Keith.</p><p>“Um, I’m not sure what you mean?” replied Logan, genuinely surprised.</p><p>“Son, it’s written all over your face.  You’ve got my daughter acting as mommy to yours and this attraction between you, it’s still there.  It’s always there.  And as much as you were not high on my list of desirable suitors for my daughter when you were a teenager, you’re not a teenager anymore.”</p><p>Logan digested Keith’s words. “Before Scarlett, if Veronica had been single,” he trailed off.  “But it’s complicated now.  I’m not a free agent.  I’m a single dad with an infant.”</p><p>“Being a single dad with a headstrong teenage daughter isn’t much easier,” Keith said.  “I’m just saying, think about what you want.  And when you get back, if you can’t see her as your future, let her down easy, but let her down.  I don’t want her waiting for you forever.”</p><p>Logan stood, stunned into silence by Keith’s words.  “Veronica’s not waiting for me.”  It was a statement, but sounded more like a question.</p><p>“Of course she is.  Even if she doesn’t realise it yet.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>“Your dad asked me my intentions,” said Logan.</p><p>Veronica almost spat out the mouthful of wine she had taken.  They were sitting out on the deck, looking out at the deep blue sky against a deeper blue ocean.  Keith had left after dinner, and Scarlett was in bed, asleep.  “He asked you what?” she exclaimed, shocked.</p><p>“My intentions, towards you.”</p><p>“But we’re not...” she started.</p><p>“No.  But your dad seems to think that in some way, you’re waiting for me.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Veronica.</p><p>Logan looked at her curiously, “You didn’t say you’re not.”</p><p>Veronica took a deep breath before responding.  “I don’t know.  Everything that has happened lately, it’s so emotional.  I see you with Scarlett, and I wonder.”</p><p>Logan’s voice grew deep, thick with emotion, “You wonder what?”</p><p>“I wonder about relationships and having children.  I thought I didn’t want children, but now I don’t know,” replied Veronica.</p><p>“I hadn’t thought about children either, before Scarlett,” Logan confessed.  “Except with you.”</p><p>“Oh,” said Veronica simply.</p><p>“Look, I know it’s a lot to ask, but when I get back, I would like to ask you out, properly,” he said.  “So think about if that’s what you might want.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Dressed in his service uniform, Logan stood holding Scarlett in Veronica’s apartment on Thursday, waiting for the uber that would take him to the airport.  When his phone notified him that the car was less than a couple of minutes away, he gave the baby one last hug before handing her to Veronica.  He touched Veronica’s hand and murmured thank you, before bending and kissing Scarlett’s forehead in a gesture Veronica found so familiar, it made her heart ache.  On a whim, he lifted his head, and leaning towards Veronica, he brushed his lips against the corner of her mouth.</p><p>The kiss, so reminiscent of a kiss outside the Camelot hotel more than ten years before, sparked a memory in Veronica, and as Logan turned to leave, she pulled him back to her and reaching up on her toes, she kissed him back.</p><p>They kissed hungrily and months, years of pent up longing were infused into that kiss.  He dropped his duffel and his arms came around her, careful not to disturb the baby on her hip, as his mouth plundered hers for the precious minutes he had left.  When his phone signalled the car’s arrival and Scarlett started wriggling between them, he pulled back reluctantly, staring intently into her eyes before turning and walking out of the apartment.</p><p>Veronica moved to the window to watch him leave, and when his gaze lifted to hers as he got into the car, their eyes met and held, until the car drove away.</p><p>***</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. This old heart beating for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Veronica</p><p>When she and Logan had kissed for the first time in high school, Veronica remembered that they had ignored it for days.  Avoided talking about those couple of minutes in heaven.  This was worse.  Nearly three full weeks in, and despite emailing virtually every day, neither of them had brought it up. </p><p>But today that was going to change, <em>she hoped</em>.  Today Logan had managed to get a Skype booking and she was finally going to get to see him.  To speak to him.  <em>To tell him what she wanted.</em>  <em>That she wanted him.</em></p><p>When the call came in, she answered quickly, and her heartbeat kicked up a notch at the sight of him in a tight Navy t-shirt on the screen.  She had Scarlett sitting on her lap and had spent the last half hour or so showing her pictures of Logan while talking about ‘Daddy’ to the little girl.  Scarlett had her much loved Sophie giraffe in her hands being chewed on constantly.  Veronica caught her lower lip between her teeth, nervously, before saying, “Hi.”</p><p>“Hi,” he replied.” You both look great.  Scarlett has grown so much again.”</p><p>Scarlett, startled by the familiar voice coming from the computer looked up and and reached forward towards the screen.  Veronica adjusted her hold on the baby as she pushed up and started bouncing up and down in recognition.  “I think she’s excited to see you,” she commented. Bending down to the baby’s ear, Veronica whispered “See, there’s Daddy,” in the baby’s ear and Scarlett pulled the toy from her mouth and started babbling da da da da, while reaching towards the screen.</p><p>The smile that lit up Logan’s face was heartwarming, to say the least.  <em>How did he ever think he wouldn’t be a good father,</em> she thought.  When he spoke, she could see his voice was choked up, “Hi there Scarlett. It’s Daddy here.  I miss you so much.  I hope you’re being good for Veronica.”</p><p>“She’s been great.  Dad got one of those clamshell sandpits for his backyard and she had a ball playing in that on the weekend,” Veronica answered, before adding, “With my dad.”</p><p>He laughed, “I hope you took pictures.”</p><p>“Excuse me, do you not know me?  Of course there are pictures,” she replied.  “I’ll send them to you after this.”</p><p>And just like that, the vague nervousness between them broke.  They chatted for the short stretch of time they had available, about Scarlett, about her work, about the new nanny, Marie.  Everything except about themselves, the two of them, that kiss.  She so wanted to tell him she wanted him, that her choice was him, but she couldn’t find the words.  She needed some sort of signal, some indication that their kiss had meant as much to him as to her. But she couldn’t.  It was still too private, too intimate, too new to talk about over a Skype call. </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>Logan</p><p>Logan logged for the first Skype session he had been able to book since he had returned to the ship.  It had been almost three weeks and although he had been exchanging emails with Veronica, he hadn’t seen her or Scarlett in that time.  He was uncharacteristically nervous.  The kiss they had shared had been playing over and over in his mind whenever he had a free moment.  <em>It meant she wanted him, didn’t it</em><em>?</em>  He was glad his job kept him busy or he knew he would have been obsessing over it constantly. A week earlier, Veronica had emailed him a short video of Scarlett.  She was babbling a lot.  One of the many changes he had seen in his daughter in his two weeks at home.  In the video, she was saying da da over and over again.  He knew she wasn’t really saying dad yet, but it had come close to reducing him to tears.</p><p>He was gratified when Veronica answered quickly.  <em>Fuck, she’s beautiful </em>was his first thought when she appeared on screen.  Scarlett was sitting on her lap, her beloved giraffe teether in her hands being gnawed on constantly.  He drank in the sight of the woman he had always loved holding his daughter.  He could see Veronica was nervous too as she bit her lip before saying, “Hi.”</p><p>“Hi,” he replied.”You both look great.  Scarlett has grown so much again.”</p><p>At the sound of her name, the baby looked up at the screen and pitched herself forward at the screen towards his face.  Veronica instinctively tightened her hold a little, securing Scarlett as she started bouncing up and down in recognition.  “I think she’s excited to see you,” she commented, smiling. Veronica bent down and whispered something in the baby’s ear and Scarlett pulled the toy from her mouth and started babbling da da da da, while reaching towards the screen.</p><p>Logan’s heart just about exploded.  He put his big hand up, reaching toward where Scarlett’s hand was on screen and spoke, emotion thick in his voice, “Hi there Scarlett. It’s Daddy here.  I miss you so much.  I hope you’re being good for Veronica.”</p><p> “She’s been great.  Dad got one of those clamshell sandpits for his backyard and she had a ball playing in that on the weekend,” Veronica answered, before adding, “With my dad.”</p><p>He laughed, “I hope you took pictures.”</p><p>“Excuse me, do you not know me?  Of course there are pictures,” she replied.  “I’ll send them to you after this.”</p><p>They continued to talk.  But nothing about what he wanted, about them, about that kiss.  He could not believe that here he sat, in his thirties, pining over a woman he had loved nearly half his life.  But this was too important to rush.  He didn’t want to lose his chance again.  He wanted to know, did she want him, <em>did she love him</em><em>?  The way he loved her.</em></p><p>***</p><p>They kept exchanging glances.  Eyes meeting momentarily before glancing away.  Their tells showing.  Logan fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt, Veronica tilting her head to expose the part of her neck he loved kissing, touching the ends of her hair until their time was up and the call winked out.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>After that Skype call, something changed.  Veronica, feeling rather daring, added an x to the end of her emails.  Logan responded with an xo making Veronica roll her eyes and laugh.  The boy always did have to one-up in the dramatics.</p><p>On their call the following week, Logan noticed that Veronica was wearing a different shirt.  This one was a little tighter, cut a little lower so he could just see a hint of the swell of her breasts.  “Pretty shirt,” he commented.</p><p>She looked down at Scarlett, who was dressed in Winnie-the-Pooh pajamas and looked back up at him quizzically.</p><p>Seeing her gaze, he laughed, “Not on her, on you.”</p><p>Her breath hitched as she looked down. “It’s new.  Thank you.”</p><p>“It suits you.”  Internally he groaned.  <em>This was inane</em>.  He just wanted to know if she wanted to date him again, when he got back.  That kiss, along with every memory of her from his teenage years was still starring in his thoughts and his fantasies on those occasions when he could grab some relatively private time in his bunk.  He was about to start again, to finally ask, when she cut in.</p><p>“About when you get back, what you asked.  I think,” and the screen went blank.</p><p>Frustrated, furious, he groaned.  The sound reverberated throughout the room and he glanced around, realizing all the units were blank.  The ship had gone dark. “Fuck!” The expletive left his lips and was echoed from the mouth of every person in the room.</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>To: <span class="u">echolls.logan@navy.mil</span></p><p>From: <a href="mailto:vmars@gmail.com">vmars@gmail.com</a></p><p>Date: August 30, 2017</p><p>Subject: <span class="u">Where were we?</span></p><p>We got cut off.  I’m not sure when you will get this, but I want to get this out before you get back.</p><p>I wanted to tell you face to face. But it’s hard. I see you on the screen but I chicken out.  I wonder if I should just wait till you return, but I can’t.  I don’t want this indecision between us anymore. </p><p>What you asked, the night before you left.  I want that. I want to date you.  I want to be able to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you, to love you.</p><p>That’s it.  That’s all.</p><p>Veronica x</p><p>***</p><p>Veronica wrote the email after the aborted Skype call, but the ship was still dark three days later and  she still hadn’t sent it.  <em>Was it too much</em><em>? Was she rushing it?  He just said he wanted to ask me out.  Nothing more. But then there was that kiss.</em></p><p>She was sitting on the porch of her dad’s house with Mac.  Keith had invited Mac and Wallace over for dinner.  Scarlett was having a nap and Wallace was helping her dad with the grill.</p><p>“Why are you worrying so much?” asked Mac. “This isn’t some guy you just met, this is Logan.  Your first date was well over a decade ago.”</p><p>“You do remember ‘Logan and Veronica’ the teenage years?” replied Veronica. </p><p>“Vividly.  But you’re not teenagers anymore.  You’re friends now.  Really friends,” said Mac.  “He’s trusting you to look after his daughter, after all.”</p><p>“But have we changed enough?  Can we actually get past all the issues we had that tore us apart so many times?”</p><p> “Veronica, you know there are no guarantees.  You have to decide if it’s worth the risk.  And personally, I don’t think the risk is that big.  You’re both adults.  Your biggest issues, as you yourself admitted, were your tendency to leap before you looked, both in life and relationships and his lack of interest in the future.”  Mac added dryly, “I don’t think those are problems anymore.”</p><p>“There’s Scarlett to consider now,” Veronica added.</p><p>Mac sighed, “Veronica, Scarlett is not an issue.  You know that.  And Logan, who trusts you implicitly with her, doesn’t see Scarlett as being an issue between the two of you.  What are you really scared of?”</p><p>“What if it doesn’t work, Mac?” she asked.  “I don’t want to lose him as a friend, but if we try and it doesn’t work, I’ll lose that too.”</p><p>“Think of this, then.  If you don’t take this chance with him, do you really think, when he eventually moves on with someone else, that you will remain this close as friends?” said Mac softly.  “That you will be able to accept him with someone else, always thinking it could have been you.”</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>That night, she sent the email. Edited it, because she couldn’t get rid of all her fears, but took that leap.</p><p> </p><p>To: <span class="u">echolls.logan@navy.mil</span></p><p>From: <a href="mailto:vmars@gmail.com">vmars@gmail.com</a></p><p>Date: September 2, 2017</p><p>Subject: <span class="u">Where were we?</span></p><p>We got cut off.  I’m not sure when you will get this, but I want to get this out before you get back.</p><p>I wanted to tell you face to face. But it’s hard. I see you on the screen but I chicken out.  I wonder if I should just wait till you return, but I can’t.  I don’t want this indecision between us anymore. </p><p>What you asked, the night before you left.  I want that. I want to go out with you. I want to do this again because if I don’t, I’ll always think of you as the one that got away.</p><p>That’s it.  That’s all.</p><p>Veronica x</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>To: <span class="u">vmars@gmail.com </span></p><p>From: <a href="mailto:echolls.logan@navy.mil">echolls.logan@navy.mil</a></p><p>Date: September 3, 2017</p><p>Subject: RE: <span class="u">Where were we?</span></p><p>Dear Veronica,</p><p>I’m not going anywhere.</p><p>I miss you.  I want to see you, to date you, to kiss you, to make love to you, to wake up with you.  I want to marry you, to have children with you, build a family with you, to grow old with you, but mostly I want to be able to love you the way you deserve to be loved.</p><p>I’m not a great bet.  I have no idea how to do any of the second half of that.  I come with enough baggage to weigh down an elephant.  I’m a single father with an infant daughter.  My parents are both dead, but one was an addict who committed suicide and the other was a narcissistic abuser who slept with, then killed my sixteen year old girlfriend.  I battled addiction myself and in the past I’ve hurt you, badly, because of my unwillingness to understand how to accept the person you were and because of my own unhealthy coping mechanisms when my life had not gone the way I wanted it to.</p><p>But I stand before you a changed man.  I hope that you can see that I’m not the fuckup I was at nineteen, anymore than you are what you were at nineteen.  I hope you can see that because there is one thing that hasn’t changed, and that is that I love you.  I see the woman you have become and I want her as much as I wanted you when we were teenagers.</p><p>I hope that kiss we shared was yes, not just to a date, but to seeing where, how far we can go.  It felt like a yes, but I don’t want to take anything about this, about you, for granted. </p><p>All my love,</p><p>Logan xo</p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>To: <a href="mailto:echolls.logan@navy.mil">echolls.logan@navy.mil</a></p><p>From: <span class="u">vmars@gmail.com</span></p><p>Date: September 3, 2017</p><p>Subject: RE: RE: <span class="u">Where were we?</span></p><p>Yes</p><p>xo</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. I'm here for you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>His return from deployment had been better than she imagined, and her imagination had been getting pretty vivid.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica had met him at the dock with the other families.  She had stood there, Scarlett secure in her arms, scanning the crowd of disembarking servicemen and women for his familiar face, his familiar profile.  When she spotted him, the sense of anticipation that had been building ratcheted up a notch and she stood there, watching him as scanned the crowd for her.  She knew the moment he spotted them as his face lit up and a smile of unadulterated happiness graced his face.  Their eyes met and that smile took on a hint of longing, of lust and she felt that in the pit of her stomach. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held her gaze as he threaded through the milling crowd.  He dropped his duffel as he reached her and bent down to kiss Scarlett and take her to hold on his hip.  Then he snagged his arm around Veronica’s waist and pulled her to him.  She stretched up on her toes to meet him, mouth to mouth in a kiss that started out sweet but quickly turned passionate as they lost themselves in each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was over a minute later before Logan registered Scarlett starting to protest in his hold and he broke the kiss with Veronica.  “Hi, Scarlett” he said to the excited, wriggling baby, but his eyes kept darting back to hers, drinking the sight of her in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They drove to his house in Neptune and there was a sense of anticipation in the air as they spent time with Scarlett together, the domesticity of feeding, bathing and putting the baby to bed serving to make her more aware of him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>of how much she wanted him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With the baby in bed, Veronica turned to Logan eagerly, but was astonished when he said, “Why don’t you have a shower, get changed and I’ll sort out dinner.  I left your bag in the spare room.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bemused, she headed to the guest bedroom, thinking, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what was that about</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Logan heaved a sigh of relief as Veronica headed into the guest bedroom.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>He was nervous</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he realized, but he had organized this homecoming so meticulously, so carefully, and now it was time to put his plan into action.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He headed to the kitchen and put the meal his housekeeper had prepared into the oven to heat and grabbed the bottle of champagne from the fridge, filled an ice bucket to put it in, and headed to the deck.  He opened the doors out to the deck, smelling the clean fresh scent of the Pacific Ocean and the southern Californian coastline, and casting an eye over the table laid out for two.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flicking on soft lights and romantic music, he left the champagne there and headed back upstairs. He retrieved a garment bag from his room, quickly writing ‘Wear this’ on a Post-It and stuck it on the bag as he headed towards the guest room.  Ascertaining that she was still in the shower, he opened the door and slipped his hand inside to quickly hang the bag on a hook on the back of the door.  Heading back to his own room, he arranged a few items in the room before showering and changing himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fastening the buttons on his shirt, and knotting his tie, he felt nerves creep in and reminded himself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she said yes.  You laid out your soul to her and she said yes.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Veronica finished her shower a bit disgruntled, but chided herself thinking, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he’s probably just tired.  </span>
  </em>
  <span>So when she exited the ensuite for the bedroom and saw the garment bag hung on the back of the door, her heart kicked up a beat as she opened it to see what was there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was her dress.  Her favorite little black cocktail dress.  Short and slinky with a high lace neckline and a slit up her left thigh.  </span>
  <em>
    <span>How did he get it here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wondered, and then remembered </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mac, </span>
  </em>
  <span>who had called at her apartment earlier that week and had been acting a little oddly at the time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She dressed and put on makeup, eager to see what Logan had planned and just as she finished styling her hair in loose waves there was a knock on the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Logan stood there, bouquet of flowers in one hand, eyes openly appreciating her, dressed up in a short, sexy dress, looking, he thought, </span>
  <em>
    <span>delectable</span>
  </em>
  <span>.  “I know I was going to ask you out, go on a proper date, but I don’t want to wait.  Will you have dinner with me, tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica took him in, handsome and as sexy as she remembered in a dark grey suit and tie, and her heart melted.  “I’d love to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p><span>They sat at the table on the deck made up with crystal and fine china in the soft romantic lighting with the understatedly sexy music in the background talking to each other about the inconsequential as they ate an excellent meal and drank fine champagne.  Veronica, nerves jangling just from his nearness, thought, ‘</span><em><span>Please kiss me’, </span></em><span>but said,</span> <span>“How did you set this all up?  I mean, I guessed Mac got my dress, but,” she waved her hand around, “all this?”</span></p><p>
  <span>Logan smiled at her, but his fingers were fidgeting with his shirt sleeves as he answered, “We have good friends.  The housekeeper organized the food, Wallace put together the music, Mac got your dress and shoes, Dick organized my suit and your dad set up all this on the deck.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica smiled dreamily, but when his words registered, her voice rose in pitch, “My dad,” she said, “put together this very romantic but may I point out also very seductive setting for your first date with me, his daughter?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan laughed.  “It’s not exactly our first date, Veronica, and your dad was the one who told me to make the move or let you go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But still,” she exclaimed, “My dad!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan smirked, “I think Keith likes me now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looked over at him and rolled her eyes, “I guess he does.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan stood, and reaching out his hand to her, said, “Dance with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veronica took his hand and rose, entering his embrace to dance with him.  When he dipped his head to kiss her, it felt like heaven and when he took her hand and led her back into the house to his big bedroom, she felt as if she had come home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his room, they kissed again, this time with a passion so hot she felt like she was on fire.  She kicked off her shoes and the sudden extra height difference had him stripping off his jacket and sitting on the bed, pulling her down with him to straddle his lap as they had so often in their youth. Her dress rode up her thighs, his hands skimming the soft skin as he reached around her to undo the zipper before brushing the top of the sleeves off her shoulders.  She loosened and pulled off his tie and set to work on the buttons of his shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kissed his way down to the spot on her neck that he knew she loved as she tilted her head to give him better access.  But it wasn’t enough.  It had never been enough.  She stood, letting her dress fall to the floor as he yanked off his shirt and when he looked at her, clad in the barest wisps of black lace in front of him, his eyes darkened with unbridled desire.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stepped into him, kissed him again, sank into the kiss as his arms came around her to hold her, skin-to-skin for the first time in more than ten years.  Her hands roamed across his back, feeling the evidence of his strength and she marveled at the changes age had brought to him, the changes he had wrought in himself.  Firm muscle and a hard body were the product of discipline and hard work, but the quiet steady confidence was the product of battles fought and won against the demons of his childhood, and she realized he was truly the only one for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She put a little space between them, space that Logan resisted until he could feel her hands at his waistband, undoing his pants and pushing them over his hips.  He stood to remove his remaining clothing and unable to resist, covered her body with fleeting kisses and tender caresses.  They made love on his big bed in the moonlight and when she whispered that she loved him as he enfolded her into his embrace after, he finally believed that wishes really could come true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the early hours of the morning, Veronica and Logan awoke, naked, wrapped around each other, to the sound of a grizzling baby coming through the baby monitor on the nightstand.  Veronica put her finger to Logan’s lips and whispered, “Give her a minute, sometimes she falls back to sleep.” But as the baby’s cries became louder, they both realized that was wishful thinking.  “If you go get her and bring her back in here, I’ll go warm up a bottle,” said Veronica.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Swinging his legs over the bed, Logan headed for the dresser where he retrieved a t-shirt and two pairs of boxer shorts.  Handing the tee and one pair of shorts to her, he said, “As gorgeous as you look right now, you may want to put these on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than ten minutes later, Veronica returned to Logan’s bedroom and drank in the sight of him, shirtless, lying back with pillows behind him, his not quite 12 month old daughter snuggled on his chest.  She handed him the bottle, which Scarlett took eagerly, and climbed back into the bed next to them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Six months later</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan walked through the beachfront house in San Diego, happy that this, the tenth house the realtor had shown him in two days was finally right.  He had given them fairly stringent criteria, but the realtor had insisted on showing him what he thought of as the ‘movie star’ places first.  All pretension and flourishes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was wood floors, open spaces and stunning views out over an excellent surf break.  It rounded out the ideal home with good security, a deck, a pool and a backyard big enough for an energetic toddler, or two.  The thought of, ‘or two’ was </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> premature, but he couldn’t help it.  The girl, </span>
  <em>
    <span>the woman</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he had been in love with for over a decade loved him back and life was just about perfect.  He had been back for nearly six months and although he had rented a place near Veronica’s apartment, he had just asked her to move in with him after they realized that keeping the two places was pointless and now he really wanted a place that wasn’t his, wasn’t hers, but was theirs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Candace,” he addressed the realtor, an immaculately turned out woman of a similar age to himself, “I think this is right.”  He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.   “Can you organize the paperwork? I just need to get some photos to send to my girlfriend.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “This one?” she asked, surprised.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This one,” he confirmed.  “This is exactly what we wanted.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” she said, disappointed.  “I thought you would want a more prestigious property,” sounding out ‘prestigious’ as if it was sacred.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” Logan said cheerily.  He wandered through the house, snapping photos of the different rooms and the backyard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sent the photos to Veronica, </span>
  <b>‘This is the one.  What do you think?’</b>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <b>Looks good!</b>
  <span>’ She responded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Looks amazing,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought.  She picked up the phone and called him, “How many did you have to suffer through first today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only three. This one was the fourth.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No movie star touches? Sweeping marble staircases? Gilded ceilings? Solid gold door handles?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing more than a high front gate and decent security.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is Candace still coming on to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think the repeated use of ‘my girlfriend’ is keeping her at bay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Glad to hear I am contributing meaningfully to the search.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My fiancé would work better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was silence at the other end of the phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did I finally render you speechless?” he asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just drop that on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe I was just trying it out, seeing how it sounds.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you were.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how does it sound to you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure.  Not as scary as I thought, but still a bit scary.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds promising.  Maybe I should leave it a while.  Maybe try it out again in a few months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe you should,” she agreed.  “I do love you, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Logan grinned.  He was never going to grow tired of hearing that.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much to Aurora2020 for beta and bouncing ideas.  This one took quite a bit of both to bring to fruition.<br/>Thanks to everyone for reading, kudos and comments.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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